Monday, July 11, 2011

Day 17: Moratinos to Calzadilla de Los Hermanillos (Auna)

Day 17: Moratinos to Calzadilla
Miles: 15.3
Total: 266.1 Miles

       Two days ago my mom had informed me that my great grandfather has had another seizure and that he was in the hospital living on medication. The doctor said it could be any hour till he passes. I took it very hard, I was really close to my papa, we had a different bond than anyone else. He had been sick for a while now and sadly I was expecting it, we all were. It was always rough going to visit him because each time he grew weaker. I didn't talk to anyone the rest of the night, I found myself drowning in un stoppable tears until something came over me and my body detached itself and I stood up, turned off the shower, got dressed and went outside to take my clothes off the line. I came back up and packed my bag and laid in bed till morning. The next day was rough and I would sometimes bend over in tears on the trail and all day I tried my best to stay strong. By the end of the day I was able to check Facebook and I noticed my cousins status said something along the lines of "R.I.P. Papa Jim" so it was then I figured out he had passed. It's been extremely hard to try and make it through these past couple days but today I realized something... 
       I noticed how selfish I was acting, I shouldn't be crying because he has moved on to a much better place and his spirit is free. I was lucky enough to have him a part of my life while he was here and my memories with him are always there and can never be taken away. My papa is still here just in a different form, he's in the wind, the sky, the fields of wheat, everywhere. His spirit will never die. Long walks usually can help people think more clearly and I have a couple of weeks of nothing but walking and my mind has been thinking about it non stop and I feel much better. If I was home I would probably still be sobbing but now I am just happy that he suffers no more. All of this got me thinking about other things.
         Why do we celebrate birthdays? My birthday is the 15th of this month and I'm not really excited or over joyed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that it was the beginning of a new life and that's great and all but if we are going to repeatedly celebrate that special day over every year we might as well celebrate every day as well. You are living everyday so just embrace that fact, every day is a chance to live your life to the fullest. I know people say that a lot but it's different when you really realize it. Don't be afraid to take risks, being scared is half of the fun. All of this thinking began to stretch even wider into even bigger thoughts and everything made sense... It sounded good in my head but I might just sound crazy now.
        After all of my thoughts I noticed that I blocked out all the small aches and pains I had and just walked, we were suddenly in the next town. My brain has done my headphones and iPods job! I realized that I had got this whole deep thinking thing down, it had came to me, all at once. As March would say, I have turned all the knobs down low and everything was quiet except for my thoughts. I turned to March with a big grin on my face and excitedly said "Holy !$@$!!! I think I got it!" it was a great feeling. 
      As the day continued the sun got hotter and it seemed that the trail grew longer. We arrive in the cute town of Calzadilla and we had made a bet earlier; who ever sees Bree first had their ice-cream paid for by the other two. March of course, was ahead and he made his way into town spotting Bree first! So we had ice-cream and settled into our hostel and washed clothes and such. I began to explore this tiny town to see what treasures it holds. I found a pearl, a very tiny pearl inside a very tiny shell. It was at the .. Uh I guess it would be called the local supermarket, it seemed to be inside what should be a living room in someone's home. It had options and a small refrigerated area with a cash register. The man who worked there was the owner as well, I'm guessing. He was fairly short, shorter than I. He was a little husky and very friendly. It made the shopping experience easier as I just point to things. I could tell he was one of those cute little guys who never stopped smiling and that he was perfectly content with himself. Dinner should be the usual sandwich and tonight I shall try to sleep well and feel at peace just like my papa. May he rest in peace and shall never leave my thoughts or heart. Tomorrow should hold another unforgettable memory on the way to our next stop, Mansilla de las .

Auna

2 comments:

  1. Oh, my Auna. You are definitely NOT crazy . . . You are physically and emotionally strong, smart and even wise. I am sorry to hear about your papa, yet I can tell you have, as you say, ". . . got it" now.

    My best to you and yours,

    Mama Crisman

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  2. Oh my dear, thank you. It means a lot. I hope your summer is more than enjoyable, I'll be sure to call you when I get back. Mucho love! -Auna

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